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Samui Slaughterhouse

"It's a bloody slaughterhouse out there" said Guy, an American resident of the island, as we drove past yet another motorcycle wreck by the side of the road. It was the third road accident scene we'd seen in one day on a stretch of less than 30 kilometers of road.

We are driving around Koh Samui. It is December, holiday season. Samui is a "tropical paradise island" in the Gulf of Siam, Thailand. Samui is a very popular international tourist and/or backpacker destination. Samui is where I live.

Samui is beautiful, it is a tropical paradise, that is why I choose to live here. But at this time of year, the festive season, the island has a very grim and very hidden face. The face of bloody and violent death on the road. Tangled metal, broken glass and blood are the features of this face of Samui.

The island is small with a 50 kilometer ring road. The road is narrow, concrete and has very soft shoulders of sand. The road is a killer, and uncontrolled killer.

In the last three weeks of holiday season I have cleared one battered but live body off the road, helped clear one quite dead and terribly mutilated body off the road, assisted in the removal of four motorcycle wrecks and assisted in directing traffic around a three car demolition with three dead. All this on my way to work in paradise. I wish the fucking holiday season was over, I am sickened to the core and have blood on my hands.

The police here are very busy picking up money from people for not wearing helmets, for working behind a bar, for simply being there, for smoking dope. This collection of "tea money" is obviously far more important than properly policing the roads. Any police presence on the road would help - but I see none at all.

The young Thai truck and car drivers drink Thai whisky, take amphetamine pills and run amok totally unchecked. The island swarms with tourists on deadly dangerous 110cc Honda Dreams.

Sometime, somewhere, some idiot theorized that motorcycles with small engines and low power were safer than big bikes. Nothing could be further from the truth, the small bikes have no overtaking power, no power to get you out of trouble, no braking power, no engine braking power, terribly poor road handling and steering and no road-grip on sandy roads.

Combine these death trap Hondas with inexperienced and naïve tourists, drug and alcohol crazed local drivers, young Thai thugs on hotted up 175cc motorbikes, ten wheel trucks from hell and you get what I've been seeing for weeks now - death, bloody and messy.

I estimate that each day on the island during tourist high season four to six people a day are involved in serious road accidents. One to two a day on average die. Some Thais, but mainly visiting western tourists. And the police do nothing. The local council does nothing. The government does nothing.

Not that I am foolish enough to think that the Thai government even runs Samui. Samui runs itself. Traditionally the stronghold of seagoing pirates and smugglers, Samui has it's own "family" and it's own "law". Much and all as Bangkok may think they own Samui - they don't.

These deaths are not reported in the newspapers in any cohesive manner. The occasional "Bad Accident in Samui" headline may appear on the bottom of page five of the nation's newspapers now and then but usually the information is suppressed for fear of damaging Samui's tourist industry. It's only industry and source of income apart from fishing.

A big contributing factor to these daily blood baths is the total ignorance of the tourists. The poor sods get here and think they are in a big Disneyland. I see them getting out of taxis and stepping backwards with their baggage onto busy roads right in the path of trucks and cars.

I've seen them stop in groups on little motorcycles right in the middle of the road on a blind corner to admire the view. I see them walking in groups across the road like rabid, retarded dogs. I see them splattered across the road, their bodies torn and shattered.

If the crazed drivers and dreamy tourists don't get you - the dogs will. They wait in hiding on the side of the road for any poor unsuspecting fool to go by on a small motorcycle then they simply walk in front of you. Kamikaze dogs of Samui. No bother for me, my bike weighs in at about 550 pounds and simply cuts through dogs. But if you hit a dog on a 100cc bike you are going to visit the road and pay your price with blood.

Sharp corners with sand all over the concrete make for some slippery riding and driving. Huge potholes several feet deep in the concrete can swallow up a whole Honda Dream or the complete front end of a Suzuki Jeep. Money for repair work is bled dry by corrupt local officials and the local Thai style "Mafia" families. Police are so busy collecting money for the "family" and for themselves they just don't give a shit.

One day the bubble will burst though. One day Samui will reach blood saturation point. Every kilometer or so already, the concrete is blackened with blood stains. The tourists perhaps assuming this is just old diesel fuel spillage. Nope! It's blood stains.

This is Thailand. Nobody is going to do anything about this too soon. Here in Thailand (as in most places in the world) we always wait until later to fix a problem. We allow the pimple to fester good and properly before we go and have it lanced and cleaned out. I see this neglect of duty all over Thailand every day. Everybody is just too busy collecting money to bother with life issues. Like I said, I am sickened, there is blood on my hands.

The local drivers are dangerously aggressive, overtaking at every opportunity. Running a bike off the road to simply get another 20 feet ahead is no problem. Just do it. Once I stuck my finger up and screamed "fuck you" to some Thai twit who'd overtaken me and almost hit me.

He slammed his brakes on, did a U-turn and spent the next fifteen minutes playing tag with me - trying his best to kill me. It was neither accidental nor uncommon. Last week an American boy I'd met and his girlfriend were seriously injured by a young Thai man driving a pickup truck after a buffalo fight at which he'd drunk a lot of whisky.

I asked the boy later what had happened. He told me the same story I just told you. He'd been cut off, stuck up his fingers and yelled "hey! Fuck you buddy!". The driver slammed on his breaks and the boy slammed into the back of the truck. The boy had to pay for the damage to the truck, the damage to his rented bike and hospital bills for himself and his girlfriend. He made a report complaining to the police about the truck driver. He was told to "go away". The driver was not charged. The driver was allowed to leave the scene in his truck, still obviously drunk. Off to kill some more I guess.

Old men ride along the side of the road on little Hondas at five mile per hour - then swerve across to the other side of the road with no indication and no care at all about who they just cut off. Whole families pile four-up on 100cc motorcycles and swerve from side to side. Nobody uses indicator lights, nobody uses hand signals. A common feat is to pull to the left, indicate right, stay left, stop indicating then just go for it, turn right across in front of whoever is oncoming. Many Thais meet their maker this way. Usually in a mangle of motorcycle metal in accidents with sleepy, dreamy tourists.

Another big problem here is the local pickup truck style buses. They just control the road; and I mean that literally. The local transportation is controlled by the local "families". Most of the drivers are both family members and armed. They will stop to pick up and put down passengers ANYWHERE at all. And God help you if you yell at them. If you are residing on the island and get into a big problem with these drivers you usually have to leave the island - that day.

This is the island paradise of Samui. If you come here be aware for your life. Some pointers to survive the roads of Samui:-

Don’t drive or ride at all, walk along the beach instead.

Riding a bike, ALWAYS wear a helmet. Head injuries kill.

Driving a car, do it slowly and be totally alert.

Assume that every other car on the road is going to TRY to hit you.

Assume that every dog on the road is going to run out in front of you.

Be very careful of the local pickup-truck style buses. They do whatever they want on the road.

Stay cool, under no circumstances get in a shouting match with a Thai on Samui.

Do not yell out "fuck you" and especially don't yell "motherfucker" - this WILL cost you your life.

Don't drink and drive - obviously.

Come to Samui, it IS an island paradise. Just be aware that the roads of Samui are a killing field and the death rate here is one of the highest in the world. Perhaps the highest but real figures are simply not available. Samui is a beautiful place, a place of white sand beaches and swaying palm trees. Samui is the wild, wild west. Samui is an easy place to die.